My first impulse

In this post, I would like to talk about what I am calling my first impulse and how it has appeared in my life. My first impulse is a concept for me that relates to my feeling and my attitude about new things and new experiences. I have hard times with new experiences and activities, and my first impulse is to recoil from them even though I want to try them and be more open-minded toward them. This is what I am calling the first impulse, and I would like to change it. I know that I need to work on myself to change my nature and it’s not enough just to say it, but it is tough for me. I always find myself sucked into my nature and all the old fears. I know that new kinds of stuff and treatments can help me and improve my quality of life and I should try them and be more open-minded toward them. In the last few posts I wrote about a couple of new treatments that look good for me and through the writing, I thought that I should try them because I know that I don’t have anything to lose, but my first impulse fails me every time. Even though I know about treatments that can help me and do not require chemicals but are based on natural ingredients. I try to adopt the approach and attitude of alternative therapy and consume pills and chemicals less. This also relates to the activities in zavta where I go every week. Some of them I am not good at, and I always recoil from them because of my fears of what will happen if I fail. For a long time I have told myself that I will try them and overcome my concerns, but when it comes to the decisive moment, I give up to my first impulse even though it doesn’t feel right to me. It also relates to riding my bike or going to the gym which are activities that are good for me and will help me deal with the Tourette and improve my quality of life, but I recoil from them. I know that it is easy to say and write but hard for me to perform because I find myself always going back to my old habits and my first impulse instead of resisting it. I must find a way to change my first impulse and to be more open-minded to new experiences and activities instead of recoiling from them. I know that this will require from me a lot of self-work and self-discipline to improve. The way that I see it, the more that I resist my first impulse, the better my life will be, and also my co-existence with the Tourette will improve. I hope for the day that my maturity regarding this process will be complete and I will be able to say that I am not afraid of new experiences and things. And I also hope for the day when I will be able to change my first impulse to be more open-minded and less scared. If that day comes, my life will be better and complete.